Tayla's blog

Hi, my name is Tayla.

I'm deathly afraid of attachment. I hate feelings. I'm highly irrational, and completely stubborn. I will overanalyze until I find a loophole for everything. I always have to be right. My life feels as if it's a game of building walls. I'm famous for pushing people away. I am complex as people may say, but I don't necessarily think I am impossible. One day I'll get it right.

Let me remind you what kind of girl I am.

I am the kind of girl that doesn't believe in love.

I am the kind of girl that if you screw up once, you're done.

I am the kind of girl that can leave you hanging for all the right reasons.

I am the kind of girl that doesn't put up with shit.

I am the kind of girl that doesn't put up with lying either.

I am the kind of girl that is better than being a girl on the side.

I am the kind of girl that is always faithful in relationships.

I am the kind of girl that got screwed over a little too many times.

I am the kind of girl that believes legitimacy is the best quality to have.

I am the kind of girl that most guys regret letting go.

I am the kind of girl that doesn't mind being your friend and your girlfriend.

I am the kind of girl that won't fight for you because I shouldn't have to.

I am the kind of girl that will get done up for a party, but will damn well chill in boxers too.

I am the kind of girl that honestly can't lie to you.

I am the kind of girl that won't wait for anything.

I am the kind of girl that will let things slide way too much.

I am the kind of girl that will never tell you how I feel if I know it will upset you.

I am the kind of girl that is stubborn as all hell.

I am the kind of girl that will never admit that I'm wrong.

I am the kind of girl that is so laid back, I should be a dude.

I am the kind of girl that guys never want to hurt, but always end up doing.

This is it.

FYI:

Get a vox and add me to your neighborhood to read my private shit. (:

<3 Tayla Cherise.

A picture's worth a thousand words.

& then we moved to Vegas.

I miss both of my grandfathers a thousand times more.

<3

Closing Time.

Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time; This room won't be open til' your brothers or your sisters come
So gather up your jackets. Move it to the exits. . .
I hope you have found a friend; Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

 

Congratulations to the class of 2009.
Congratulations to my sister for getting through her freshman year.
Congratulations to my brother for graduating middle school.
Congratulations to everyone.

 

 

I can't shake this feeling of nostalgia. I picked my brother and sister up and took them to lunch. My mind couldn't stop wondering where all this time went. Kelsey and Jordan needed me so much a few years ago. Now here they are. . . grown up, entering this important chapter in their life. A time when I no longer can hold their hand, but can only observe and follow. It all happened so fast. Too fast, actually. I love who they're becoming. Kelsey is gorgeous inside and out. She's at that point where she's difficult to handle, but she still has a good head on her shoulders. She always comes out on top, no matter what she's dealing with. Jordan makes me so proud. He definitely has all the qualities anyone would hope for in a person, including ambition that reaches the skies. It's a privilege watching them grow up. They're amazing.

 

Seeing all the seniors now takes me back to where I was a year ago. The only thing I can hope for is that it is so much better for them. I hope friends stay. I hope drama ends. I hope loyalties are kept. I had a blast my senior year and my summer of course. It's just crazy how fast things change and how out of hand they can get. What I never understood back then was how much people can hurt you. I hate leaving my note on that. But you can always thank them for making you grow up.

 

Raise your drink as high as you can

Let me propose a toast. This is to friends. This is to hours spent on the phone. This is to the texts throughout the day. This is to the laughs that keep us sane. This is to the nights that turn into mornings. This is to feeling free. This is to the little daily rituals. This is to the inside jokes that only you would understand. This is to philosophizing. This is to the hookah that seems to last for hours. This is to the tipsy food at 3am. This is to the gym hours spent working that off. This is to the ability to listen and mouth off about anything and everything. This is to the comforting calls at the odd hours of the night. This is to kicking distance in the face. This is to chilling in a garage. This is to those who understand or at least try to. This is to movie nights. This is to branching out. This is to making plans. This is to singing our hearts out. This is to gossiping about tv shows. This is to AOL Instant Messenger. This is to caring. This is to peaceful drives. This is to spontaneity. This is to being there. This is to being real. This is to friends. This is to you. <3 I've had greeeeeat nights so far. You guys are so awesome. Regardless of new or old, I'm so thankful for you guys.

 

Taken aback.

"Trust in God's plans even if you can't see the future
and can't understand the present."
(Thanks Britney).

 

Someone hit the needle right in the head!
That shit was deep.
Maybe that was my wake-up call.

 

 

<3 T.C.

Just, wow. Cheers my dears!

Here's to all those girls; Who USED TO BE his number one. . . The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves/likes and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time; he was DIFFERENT, hoping that maybe people. . . really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. [ And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. ] This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us. . . the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair & make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today, or would complain about what we were wearing. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped. . . that he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something. . . that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. . . The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would ring in the middle of the night, and how it felt in your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with a guy

The law of love.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejections; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom that they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that these were the things which helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity.. and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love.

 

 

(: